The early bird catches PNEUMONIA !

Let me start off by saying that I am not a morning person, never have been and never will be. I get my lazy ass out of bed at about 8:00am and start my working day at 9:00-9:30am. I do tend to work late but don't try and get me to operate in the morning - nothing happens before my first cup of coffee and a cigarette.

Secondly, I don't mind the heat, never feel it but I do not handle the cold well at all.

Which brings us the the recent Jozi trip. Flew in Monday evening and while it seemed cold I didn't mind too much - it is winter after all. The real fun started the following morning as the course I was attending started at 7:30am. As I was staying in Midrand and the course in Bryanston, I had to allocate a fair amount of time for travel. So there's me getting my sorry ass out of bed at 6:00am (WTF!) to depart by 6:40am. What struck me was the c..c..c..cold throughout the day and therefore the previous post.

While I managed to lubricate the nights rather well with copious amounts of alcohol to ward off the cold, the following morning the vicious cycle would repeat. I'm not use to having to defrost my fucking car in the morning but maybe if I had Rum & Coke for breakfast instead of coffee, I could just snap a slab of ice off the car and put it in my drink.

What I had managed to do was to plan my week so that I had only one late morning client meeting on Friday. This meant I could sleep in, get the business out the way, score some lunch and prep for the planned nite out with friends. I booked my flight back Saturday afternoon so that any late night/early morning debaucherous behaviour won't result in me missing my flight.

Well, you know what they say about 'the best laid plans'. Thursday afternoon I get a call from the office asking me how busy my schedule is as it has become quite vital that I attend a planing session on Friday(fuck, fuck, fuck). Now here's where things start to get really ugly. It's to late for me to change my ticket to a Thursday nite flight so my only option is to fly Friday morning.

Yip, that's right. Screw attending the course at 7:00am, I'm now trying to catch the 6:45am flight out of Jozi. Now there are 2 factors that aggravate this situation - firstly, that you need to check-in at least an hour before the flight, secondly, I'm not actually booked on the flight so I need to get to the airport early enough to have time to change my booking. So after making it to bed at midnight, there's my sorry icy ass getting up at 4:30 am to fly back to warmer climes.

(On the way to the airport I spotted this unfortunate couple who obviously got caught out in the cold)

Now here's the real kicker, when we get back to Cape Town, the pilot informs us that Cape Town International is fogged in and we have 35min loiter time before we have to divert to the alternate site. Now since George Aiport is also fogged in we'll have to divert to Port Elizabeth. (You have got to be fucking kidding me!! I just paid R900 to upgrade this ticket just to make this meeting).

Well after going round and round and round.....with 5 min to spare, the fog clears and we finally land. To baggage, parking payment and rush to meeting...oops! the airport turnoff on to the highway is closed and none of the stupid fucking road surface miners had the presence of mind to put a fucking sign at the airport. U turn, find alternate route onto highway. OK, get to meeting really late, if not a bit stressed.

Well at least I'm finally here and all that shit is over...or is it.
When I leave at 5:45pm some security retard has clamped my car because I apparently I shouldn't have parked in the bay where they indicated I should park...of all the stupid fucking idiotic bird brained dipshit turd squeezing foreskin trimming ideas...

So I'm off to Durban next week & I'm contemplating taking out some sort gremlin insurance. Anyone know how I get this cover???